Sunday, June 1, 2014

A Lot of People Go To College for Seven Years...

A few weeks ago I went back to school. Since I've got two boys, a gas guzzling SUV and hate to wear a bra, I opted for online classes. I actually turned the spare bedroom / laundry room / where we shove anything we don't know what to do with room into a little office for myself and got all ready to learn me something. I just forgot about one thing... I hate online classes.

For one thing, I keep being mistaken for a man. I guess unless I'm seen in the flesh, people automatically assume it's a guy sitting behind his computer screen... probably wearing khaki shorts with crew socks and an adjustable baseball cap.

The other problem I have with online classes is that I lack of any type of self-discipline and usually end up doing a lot more online shopping than actual work. Plus, it turns out I'm not nearly as computer savvy as I thought I was. When compared to my mother, yes. I'm Bill Gates. But trying to navigate through this whole blackboard thing is as equivalent to me as learning to fly an airplane would be.

To make matters worse, it turns out there are also these weekly collaborate sessions that we are required to participate in. I don't even know how to do Skype. Forget Skype. I can't even take a selfie. I've tried and it's just too much chin, or I just look like a fathead. I don't where to look. I don't know how to smile. How am I supposed to partake in some virtual class meeting thing?

Plus, my computer sucks. It's old as shit and I'm pretty sure it has a virus. It's those damn emails. They get me every time. “You've Won The Million Dollar Jackpot!”, “Earn Up To $500 A Day From Home!”, “Buy Prescription Drugs Online!”. All lies! There's never really any sweepstakes or real medication. It's just some creep infecting my my crappy laptop. I tried to update my anti-virus software, but my computer is too slow. My computer's too slow because I have a virus. I have a virus because my anti-virus software hasn't been updated. It's a vicious cycle.

So naturally, when I go to log on to my first Collaborate session, I get a message that this dinosaur I'm attempting to use isn't compatible and I need to install a program. Of course at this point I'm already running late for my “class” - that I'm taking at my house. It actually ended up working out, because it was at this point that I realized I was wearing a stained, old t-shirt and needed to change into something more appropriate. So while my computer was downloading the software, I turned around and grabbed a new shirt. Then, just as I was lifting the gross shirt over my head, I glanced back to see what kind of progress the installation was going only to see a mirror image of myself looking back at me.

On the upside, I'm no longer being mistaken for a man.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

What It Means To Be From Boston

With the one year anniversary of the marathon bombings upon us, I wanted to take a moment to remember what was such a tragic day in history for our fine city. I want to think back to a day in which we lost precious lives and saw countless injuries. It was a day that will haunt us forever and one we will never forget. Even more so, I want to focus on the positives that have come from these events and the true meaning of what it means to be a Bostonian. This is what it means to be from Boston.

Boston is strong. What we lack in size, we make up for in strength. The way in which we came together during such a grueling time and became one only shows our ability to cope and persevere. I may be biased, but I truly believe we are among the strongest of people in the world and we will not back down.

Boston is proud. We may even come across as being too proud at times, or one could even say we're boastful at times. But, it's all with good reason. We've proven to the world that we are united and fearless. The stories of how everyone came together on that day and actually ran toward the explosions are a constant reminder of what kind of people Bostonians are and I couldn't be more proud to call myself one.

Boston is distinguished. We're one of the oldest cities and our history is has laid the pavement for a city geared toward success and a promising future. The abundance of amazing schools provide the ability to obtain an education without limitations. The best doctors are trained here and it's no question that our hospitals are the best. It's been said that if the bombings had occurred anywhere else, the outcome would have been far more severe for those injured and the number of fatalities would have been substantially higher.

Boston is beautiful. With our gorgeous views of the bay, our old architecture and breathtaking skyline, we bask in the glory of our incredible scenery. Our winter's are harsh, but there's a majestic feeling when the lights reflect off of the snow. There's nothing that screams springtime like the weeping willows and blooming flowers that engulf the commons every year. Watching the sailboats cruising throughout the harbor and cracking open fresh lobster is only a touch of what summers are like in Boston. And need I even mention the incredible foliage that us New Englanders fall in love with every autumn? No amount of evil can take away from our beauty.

Boston is fun. We know how to party. We appreciate good music, great food, and plenty of entertainment. They don't call us title town for nothing! Personally, there is nowhere else I'd rather spend a summer night than at Fenway Park, with a beer in one hand, a hotdog in the other while belting out the lyrics to "Sweet Caroline". Our sports are legendary and the Boston Marathon will now be only that much more precious to us.

Boston is America. The support we received from across the country at a time that we so needed it instilled in us that we're all on the same team here. During our darkest hour, we didn't grieve alone. We all grieved together. It's when faced with hard times that we remember why we are the greatest nation.

Boston is back. Did we really ever go anywhere? I think that last year only proved that we're not going to let anyone or anything break us. We've come out even tougher than we were before and we'll only continue to grow. We are here, we are one, we are #BostonStrong.